Have you ever thought, one you get married it will feel like you will be complete? Or that once you have kids your life will be happier? Or that when you move into a new home you’ll finally feel successful?
Or maybe you’ve thought, the more work you do, then the more money you’ll earn, and then the more content you’ll be. Or that the more responsibilities you take on, the more people will like you, and then you’ll finally feel like you belong.
These are common thoughts. Average even. But I have a feeling you don’t want to be average.
Tony Robbins, Stephen Covey, as well as others have talked about that flipping our mindsets is the key to actually becoming the person we want to be.
There’s three ways to think about you you want to be.
The first is the victim mindset. The victim thinks, “When I have enough time, then I’ll do the things I’ve always wanted to do, and then I’ll be happy.” They’re focused on waiting for things they may not fully control to change. They are focusing on having, then doing, then being.
The second way of thinking is what I’ll call the achiever. The achiever thinks, “The more tasks I do, then the more money I’ll have, and then the more successful I’ll be.” But the issue with this mindset is that the achiever never has enough. There’s always another finish line to cross so true fulfillment never comes. They are focused on doing, then having, then being.
Then there’s the winner’s mindset. The winner thinks, “Who do I need to be?”. Once they determine the type of person who gets those outcomes, they determine what needs done to get there. And then, what they have is the fruit of that mindset. The winner is focused on being first, then doing, and then having.
This is known as the Be. Do. Have mindset. As Stephen Covey says, “Being with the end in mind.” This way of thinking helps you determine the life you want, and who you need to be to have that life. And then you take actions in the direction of who you’ll be.
There’s a variety of examples you could chose for your “Be” mindset. They can be short term goals or longer term beliefs. I’ll share a few examples below.
- I’m a consistent runner
- I’m a loving partner
- I’m an intentional parent
- I am an excellent communicator
- I’m a lifelong learner
- I’m a helpful friend
- I’m a supportive neighbor
What’s a mindset you could adopt? What do you want to “be”? Once you know, think about the actions that correspond with that belief.
Let’s look at the running example for some guidance. If someone wants to “Be a consistent runner” what do they do? Well, they likely run a few times a week. They also may get up earlier in the day to make time for their run in. Or they may set aside time on a weekend for a longer run. They may sign up for races throughout the year or make time to go on runs with friends. They likely eat some type of balanced meals. They stretch. These are all things a runner “does”.
Let’s go back to your examples. What actions does someone with your “Be” mindset do? What routines or habits or commitments may they have?
Back to the running example. What does a runner “have” as a result of those actions? A runner with those habits and routines likely stays in shape, they don’t pull a muscle or get injured because they have been stretching, they feel clear minded because they fuel their body well, and they are organized and prioritize so they can fit in their long runs. These are all outcomes of those actions.
What outcomes would you get if you completed the actions aligned with who you want to “be”? I encourage you to write this out and find a way to adopt a new way of thinking.
Before you can have, you must do, and before you do, you must determine who you want to be.