A Life of Urgency

I shared this a few days ago on an Instagram post but I feel it’s worth sharing again especially in light of Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gianna’s death on Sunday.

We are not responsible for the bad things that have happened to us but we are responsible for our healing.

Sometimes life feels unbearable. Last year I had one of the worst nights of my life. Sitting in the ICU in Pennsylvania waiting for what doctors told us would likely only take an hour. We were over 15 hours in and Kim was still breathing by the grace of God. Her lungs were in 95% failure but she was still fighting.

I will never forget 5 of us sitting around her bed trying to sleep while sitting upright. Resting our heads on the hospital bed arm rests. Taking turns holding her hands. Freezing. Exhausted. Spent. Tear stained shirts. And still praying for a miracle.

That night was the worst night of my life. And while it was awful and felt like a nightmare, I am responsible for my healing. I cannot control what happened but what I can control is what I do about it.

So I live with urgency. With the expectation that tomorrow is not promised. That I most literally don’t deserve to live another day but that if I get to, that is a wonderful gift from God. I do my best to love with urgency. To connect. To share. To feel. And to push. I don’t want my last breath whenever that shall be to be one with any regret.

I realize that this is a message that’s shared often but I don’t know that it’s understood. I’ve attended over 16 funerals. Many less than some and many more than others. I see the tears and the regret and the grief. I see the spouse who became a widow overnight. The parent who now is doing it alone. The mother who outlived both her children. The kiddos who don’t understand why moms not there anymore. The Dad-to-be whose baby will never going to meet her grandmother. It is heartbreaking. It’s devastating. And I don’t want that for any of you.

I don’t want the sadness to come from a “what if” or “I wish”. One from something left unsaid or an action undone.

When the sadness comes. I want it to be because you loved so deeply. That you cherished every minute and celebrated life together. I want the tears to come because they’re missed, not because you didn’t embrace life with everything you had. I want you to live knowing your days are numbered. And to embrace every single one with urgency.