7 Steps for Setting Goals That Matter with Your Spouse

About two months after Teddy and I met, the new year rolled around. I remember sitting in Teddy’s truck out for a scenic drive when I asked him about his goals for the past year and any he had in the upcoming year. He was a bit surprised. This wasn’t something he regularly had thought about and planned out prior. I started being more intentional about my goals about 10 years ago and so what was a routine process for me wasn’t for him. This was the first of many conversations over the last four years where we talk about our dreams, reflect on our progress, and plan for the future. If you’re looking for a simple framework for setting goals with your spouse or partner, you’re in the right place.

1. Ask The Question – This may be self explanatory but you probably need to ask your partner if they’re up for having a conversation with you as well as plan goals in the upcoming year. There may be some hesitancy, fear, or lack of understanding on how this could be important. Talk about that before going into the actual conversation of setting goals.
2. Reflect on the Previous Year – Whether you had specific goals or intentions or not, before you move forward you should look back. What went well the last year? What didn’t go so well? What did you learn? What did you notice about your partner that you appreciate? What were some of the best moments?
3. Dream about the Next Year – This is a time to dream about the upcoming year with no rules. Write down any small or large things both partners would like to accomplish over the next year. No cutting things out or saying it’s unrealistic. Just let yourself brainstorm whatever comes to mind. The refining comes later.
4. Pick Out the Patterns – What did those dreams have in common? Was there a word or phrase over the year that can guide you and be your north star? What one area is going to be most import for you in the upcoming year?
5. Set Goals – Now that you have a focus, choose a few things you’d like to make progress on in the upcoming year. These are likely going to be a bit broader.
6. Set up Rhythms & Routines – What daily, weekly, monthly, or quarterly rhythms or routines will help you move toward that goal? What can you incorporate into your schedule to break the large goal down into something small? What systems can you put in place to make the process easy?
7. Revisit – We’re not done yet. Choose a time you and your partner plan to revisit these goals. Is it monthly? Quarterly? Twice a year? The more frequently you revisit them, without it being overwhelming, the more successful the goals will be. Use this time to talk about progress toward goals. If you notice there’s not much progress in certain areas, why may that be? Is it because that thing wasn’t actually that important or is it because you don’t have a system or routine set up to make progress?